Quarantine Food Diaries, Day 3

 Food for Mind and Body

I chose not to watch the news today, open twitter or perpetuate more panic inducing behaviors. Instead I coerced my partner into offering up what he does best, healing.
If you have ever met a modern day Shaman you might not understand at first but when he is in his healing space it is instantly evident on visceral, emotional and spiritual levels that you are being healed, that there is a shift in you that is tangible.
I teach yoga, I practice meditation, I read and assimilate philosophy into my daily practice of yoga “off the mat”. What this is, what he does, is something entirely apart. We often find ourselves in one act of doing after another, sometimes a yoga practice can be this as well, sometimes reading and absorbing information is still an act of doing. When we speak of being and not doing that is when real restoration occurs. It is understood that shavasana is the ultimate place of yoga, the slowing of the fluctuations of the mind. Shavasana is the final resting pose at the end of class where the expectation of the physical, emotional and mental bodies is absolutely nothing, simply to be, receive, accept, allow.
What my partner does takes one from this space into deep energetic healing through sound. I’m offering access to these video clips of his work in Seva or service to our community.

Sound Healing and Meditation with Justin Marx

Sound Healing and Meditation Part 1 

Sound Healing and Meditation Part 2

Sound Healing, Shamanic Drumming Part 3

I know, my quarantine food diary, but you see it is all connected, looking at ourselves these days and every day in a holistic way, with all of our facets. I am back in my kitchen, I think if I had to choose a single ingredient to eat forever, if there were only one thing left in the world, it would have to be a mushroom. Specifically a maitake mushroom. Known for it’s properties of combatting the free radicals in the body that cause cancer I was introduced to this mushroom at the time of my monumental diet change to combat systemic inflammation. I began taking maitake supplements in super high doses and it almost singlehandedly reduced all my inflammation. My father is a mycologist, a mushroom hunter, teacher, and I have had the fortune to have had numerous varietals of wild mushrooms because of it. Maitake or hen of the woods is still one of my favorites for it’s versatility. It has also become easier to find in supermarkets.
It’s a beautiful lacy mushroom and it’s flavor is rich and meaty it’s texture firm, it holds it’s own as a “steak” on the plate, and tonight it is our “steak”.
Super easy to prepare and accompanied simply with a sautéed sunchoke which in a pinch could be substituted with potatoes though the flavor profiles are super different.

Unlike yesterday tonight is less labor intensive, way quicker and completely vegetarian, well if you believe mushrooms to be vegetarian, but that is a later discussion.

Seared Maitake “steak” , Crispy Lemon Zest Sunchokes

Ingredients:

1 lb Maitake mushrooms

2 tbsp sesame oil

2 tbsp extra virgin olive oil

Oyster sauce or worchestire mixed with a little maple syrup ( for brushing mushrooms)

6 sunchokes peeled and sliced thinly

1 Lemon zest peeled not grated

2 cloves garlic

1/2 cup white wine

Dust off Maitake shrooms, don’t wash!! Slice into 1/2 inch thick “steaks” as much as possible

Set aside.

Take peeled and sliced sunchokes or potatoes if you didn’t have or couldn’t find sunchokes ( though they are in season right now) and put in a pan with olive oil, sliced garlic and sliced lemon zest making sure not to have taken much or any of the white of the lemon. Salt and pepper, sauté on medium leaving to take on color on one side before moving to the other side, you may find they stick in which case, you may not have put enough oil or had a high enough heat or maybe there was just too much water on your sunchokes. No worries, add the 1/2 cup wine and they will loosen. Flip and continue to cook on medium until all of the wine is absorbed. At this point salt and pepper. Sunchokes can be eaten raw so they can be eaten as well at any version of “al dente” whereas potatoes must obviously be completely cooked through and you may need to add a bit of water to finish them.

While your sunchokes are cooking begin your mushrooms.

Heat a pan medium high with a little sesame oil and a little olive oil lay the mushrooms in not overlapping, salt and pepper. They need to sear on both sides when they are browned on both sides add a dash of water and the mushroom will plump up!

You may need to do two or three batches.

As they come out of the pan brush with a little oyster sauce or worchestire/ maple syrup blend.

Plate the sunchokes and place a Maitake “steak” atop... my version of steak and fries 😉

Serve with a simple green salad. Enjoy!

54°F Sunny

11 Provincetown Dr, Marlton, New Jersey, United States

Quarantine Food Diaries, Day 2, Pork and Beans (not exactly)

The Art of Texture

The supermarkets are continuing to restock, toilet paper apparently is just as high of a commodity as bleach and face masks, but you know what isn’t moving, Pork Belly.
Chicken is limited to 3 packs per person in some supermarkets, egg shelves are empty, potatoes are in short supply too, so now is when my inner child goes wild. I love being given the challenging task of making something out of what is at hand, namely the fatty slab of meat not many know what to do with called Pork Belly, Pancetta in Italian and just for all of you who may not know, it is actually what bacon is made from. The butcher counter always has it, while steaks were sold out, ground beef long gone and the anxiety over the chicken palpable,
I had them cut a long fat slice about 3 inches wide and 7 inches long. As with any meat the fat should be super white, if it is yellowed it is a sign that it’s old and just leave it alone and move on.
Now is when I must interject, making things in batches and utilizing same ingredients in different ways is super key to quarantine cooking! Pork Belly must be brined for 24 hours before cooking, the whole thing is a long process but it will keep for five days so buy enough that you can use again in other ways. I’ll make sure to include it in my next few days here and there.
We made poke bowls yesterday and I didn’t use all of my radishes or beets so we are using them here treated differently for color, acid and heat. I started my brine on Saturday when I bought the belly and cooked it yesterday so today it was ready to actually eat. Yes, a three day process but hey if it is one thing you have right now more than ever before it is time.
My accompaniments to this dish are decidedly Middle Eastern in flavor so if you are not gluten free, as I am, grab some Pita or Naan, at worst a corn tortilla will also work!

Seared Pork Belly with Cannellini Bean Hummus, Radishes, Beets and Kale Pesto

Ingredients:

1 slab of pork belly

Smoked paprika

Salt pepper

1 can cannellini beans

3 tbsp tahini

Juice of half a lemon

2 garlic cloves

Olives / pitted ( you can thank my partner who inadvertently bit down on one)

Radishes

Beets

Cauliflower curried

Kale pesto as garnish

2 days prior :

Salt, pepper and smoke paprika heavily the pork belly, wrap in parchment and foil and put in the fridge and forget about it.

1 day prior:

Set oven to 275F and place your pork belly in a cast iron pan wrapped as it was in the fridge or in a glass baking dish and bake for 3 hours.

Let it sit out and cool to room temperature before putting it in the fridge, resist trying it... or don’t, go ahead it’s amazing!

Day of :

Remove from fridge and take a bit of the now solidified pork fat and place in a pan, slice the pork belly into cubes and start your hummus.

Drain cannellini beans and place in a food processor with the garlic, lemon, tahini and purée. Maybe a touch of salt but your pork belly is salty so not too much. The garlic is hefty it’s a garlicky hummus, so if you’re not a fan reduce the garlic to one clove but remember we are balancing salt, fat AND heat.

Grate your radishes on a cheese grater and place in a small beautiful mound on the plate

Do the same with your beets.

Take kale or shard or even spinach and process with a little olive oil to make a deep green oil drizzle for color.

Once all is ready create your plate ..

A dollop

Of hummus, a few olives, little mounds of beets and radishes and a few drops of emerald green oil/ pesto

Heat your pork fat on high and place pork belly cubes fat side down in the pan searing on each side to create a crispy, browned “skin” about 30 seconds per side.

Bring to a cutting board and slice into bite size pieces and arrange atop the hummus.

Have naan or pita or corn tortillas at the ready to scoop up the delishessness !

And to think a cheap piece of meat and an can of beans. ...

Quarantine food diaries day 1, Salmon Poke Bowl

So, here I am...at home with one of the only things that comes to me naturally...cooking. It is the one thing that calms me without fail and I would say that that is necessary for me and countless others right now. To some of you who know me better than others you know I never use recipes and I can walk into just about any kitchen and make myself perfectly at home. I’ll ransack your pantry, finding the ingredients you bought for the recipes you made once, like the adventurous day you made hummus,the tahini still 3/4 full, when you realized it was easier just to buy it, and for the most part also cheaper. Or the miso paste, for an attempt at homemade miso soup that now sits sadly at the back of your refrigerator in the no man’s land of condiments and possibly leftovers that should have been tossed weeks ago.
And then like a little kitchen fairy, an apron as my wings I’ll flutter my way through your ingredients on hand and between a sip of wine or two, be lovingly working to nourish us all. Many of you have asked me for recipes and I have thought about how to stay calm and enjoy those that are quarantined with me until this subsides, and well, that means me in the kitchen.
Over the years I have had the opportunity to cook in restaurant kitchens, private supper clubs and catered events and have even had my endurance tested on a yoga retreat of 65 hungry vegetarian yogis eating 4 times a day for two weeks straight. I’ve held workshops and had countless conversations on adaptogens, nootropics, and conscious cooking, the power of the alkaline diet, high vibrational foods and what it means to eat with your eyes.
Some 13 years ago I was diagnosed with a bizarre auto immune disease, which after battling using western medicine for two years to no avail, I turned to a naturopath who changed my world forever through diet. I left his unassuming home office with a list of things I could no longer eat. I had been cooking in our family restaurant, had been cooking for years before on my own in a very traditional Italian way. My father being from Italy insisted each time I would go to visit him that I learn the ways of pasta making, gnocchi, a base sauce and how all red sauces came from this most basic tomato sauce start. I spent hours perfecting the lightest fluffiest gnocchi, the perfect ragù di carne ( meat sauce), delicately stuffed fried eggplant, deep fried stuffed zucchini flowers ( fiori di zucca), the perfect Genovese pesto, and then in one fell swoop all that was gone for me.
Flour, particularly the gmo flour we have in the U.S. was out, as was red meat and all night shades, yup, eggplant and worst of all, sugar. Sugar like in sweets and in wine, I was seriously devastated.
I had to start all over. I was not interested in the idea of fake pasta. I will admit that gluten free pasta has come a long way since my diagnosis and I have found some pretty good substitutes.
I lost so much at once that I overdosed on milk products and eventually became lactose intolerant on top of it all. I found my palette searched for new ethnicities to explore, my
own now having become for me, toxic.
My daughter Sonia was almost 4, Simona just a baby still, and Sebastiano in kindergarten. I mention this because it was during this time that I would go out for lunch often and Sonia was my sidekick, to this day, now 16, her palette is outstanding and she can balance flavors with ease which I totally attribute to our “eating around the world days” as I used to call them.
I was looking for a culinary home. I wanted to be excited about being in the kitchen and I needed inspiration. Ultimately I gravitate towards Japanese, they are supremely alkaline, almost completely dairy free and use very little flour in their savory foods. But Sonia and all my kids would tell you I never stick with one country exclusively, so many flavors and textures to explore.
The key to a great meal is the balance of salt, fat, acid and heat, once you understand that you are on your way to opening your repertoire of cooking to much more than a single cuisine.
I think if you asked me what my go to meal was I would have to admit that it is my own version of a poke’ bowl. I say my own version because it is neither Hawaiian nor Japanese but it looks the part, so day 1 is my poke’ bowl recipe for you.

Miso Glazed Salmon Poke Bowl

Feeds 4-5

Disclaimer here:

A thing about salmon, and all my other ingredients in general. We live in a world where toxicity and pollution infiltrate our food sources on multiple levels. The deciphering of all of the labeling to express the care that businesses are taking can be daunting, so a few little hints here. I often prefer Whole Food’s Atlantic salmon to their wild caught anything, Sock Eye, King etc for two reasons; one as with grass fed meats, that are super lean, so to is the Sock Eye and King Salmon, and I need a little fat to keep things juicy! Also, wild caught means just that, not entirely sure what this fish has been eating where Whole Foods stamps my Atlantic salmon with a certified non gmo, non Monsanto farm raised diet. It’s up to you and ultimately looking with your eyes first when deciding is paramount. Just assume everything else I buy that is fresh is organic if possible, my sensitivities to pesticides are wild. When I use bottled, canned or packaged items, if I can’t find an organic equivalent I scrutinize the ingredient list for bat shit craziness like msg that is still used, unbelievably, and dyes like reds and blues.

One last thing, my suggestions for veggies and fruit that atop this bowl in a rainbow of color really depend on what is fresh and seasonal and available organically. So please especially now, don’t buy something that looks like it should’ve been tossed but hasn’t. Nothing worse than a too ripe or not ripe enough avocado. This is my end of winter version of this bowl, you’ll notice the seasonal beets, radishes, Brussels. These are all root veggies and in Ayurvedic eating, root veggies help us to feel grounded, safe and secure.

Ingredients:

1 lb salmon

1 -2 avocados

3 beets

4 radishes

Bunch Brussels sprouts

1 cup Nishiki short grain rice

1 cup white quinoa

Pea tendrils or sprouts to garnish

I begin in the morning with my beets, make more than three, you can use them in an appetizer later in the week, I’ll send the recipe! Set the oven to 275 F and cut off just the greens leaving skins on wrap them individually in foil, place them in a baking dish and forget about them for two hours, three if they are on the bigger side. They should be tender to cut through when they are ready. Let them cool and literally rub off or peel off the skin, maybe wear gloves, we all should have them by now, and you’ll save your hands from being fuchsia!

Furikake seasoning :

So this garnish is not totally necessary, you may never use the bonito flakes again so they can be omitted, but the texture, the flavor this adds is noteable, and it can be stored for up to a month !

1/4 cup Sesame Seeds

2 tbsp Organic black Sesame Seeds

2 tbsp bonito flakes

3 sheets unseasoned nori, (dried seaweed)

2 tsp Sicilian Sea Salt

Toast the sesame seeds in a dry pan, moving them around constantly careful not to burn they will smell and taste bitter if you do!

Put cooled seeds and all else in a food processor and give a few quick bursts. You are making a white and black sprinkle, don’t over blend!

Miso glaze :

1 tbsp white miso paste

2 tsp freshly grated garlic

2 tsp freshly grated ginger

2tbsp Mirin

1 tbsp barbecue sauce

2 tsp sesame oil

Mix all ingredients together, place your salmon skin side down on a sesame oiled cookie sheet, coat the length of the fish abundantly and let sit while you prepare your other ingredients. The fish depending on thickness, if it is as thick as the height of the tip of your finger to the first knuckle than it will be no more than 10 minutes under the broiler at the second to highest oven rack level.

Prep the rice!

Soak rice in cold water for 10 minutes and rinse quinoa to remove bitterness.

I combine the two it makes for a really great nutty texture but you can opt for just one or the other, remember we are trying to use what is in your pantry! That means maybe you are using a totally different grain like wild rice or couscous.

Put rice on to boil : 3 1/4 cups water and rice together, when it reaches a boil add the quinoa salt and let boil for 3 minutes, then cover and reduce heat to low for another 7-8 min. Remove from heat add in 1-2 tbsp mirin and let sit covered. You can also sprinkle in and mix around the homemade Furikake here !

Slice your Brussels thinly lay them not overlapping much, onto a cookie sheet tossed generously with olive oil, salt, pepper, garlic powder. Make sure your salmon and Brussels can fit side by side under your broiler at the same time. Sometimes I divide the use of the same cookie sheet, it works!

So timing ...now your beets should be sliced, your radishes and avocado as well, furikake is made, rice should just be reduced and covered with 7-8 min to go and it’s time to put your salmon and Brussels under the broiler!

Watch them carefully, you will need to move the Brussels around, they char a little but really browning and crispy is what you’re going for.

Remove the cookie sheet and the rice should now have been sitting for a few minutes covered off the heat, let the salmon stand.

Compose your bowls, make them a rainbow of experience!

Layer the quinoa and rice first, and let your family choose their own arrangements it’s fun! Presentation, presentation, presentation! Eat with your eyes first!!

I AM • WE ARE

 “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes”

Who are you? Are you your name? Are you the color of your hair or the clothes you wear? Are you the voice in your head when it tells you you are not enough, when it tells you you are amazing? Are these things who you are?Then if you marry and change your name is that now you? Did you change who you were? If you grow out of your clothes and change your style and your hair grows grey or you  dye it purple are you a different person then? What if none of those things were you. What if I told you these things, your name, your hair, your body, your thoughts, your sense of self were not you.  What if you could understand them as various lampshades covering a lightbulb, and the light was you. That these lampshades we call ourselves are not who we really are at our true essence; they influence us, mask us, change us, mold our actions and thoughts. 

What we are talking about is our soul, spirit, true self, atman, purusha and it is the pure white of the color spectrum. The beginning essence of us to which all the colors of the rainbow are added to color what we look like, sound like, feel like and think like. 

Easy right? No, not at all. How do we reach the innermost core of who we are? How do we see past the many layers of color, or lampshades covering the bulb? We cannot simply intellectualize ourselves there, though this is classically the way one tries to evolve by understanding. But understanding alone is not enough to reach our true self. Though one may truly understand this concept,  the reality is we all probably need to work through some very difficult personal patterns of thought that create specific behaviors and decision making. These are called samskara.

I see these thought patterns or samskara as the tornado surrounding the eye of the storm. The eye is calm and clear, unmoved, undisturbed. Imagine you are the eye of the storm, that the you that is infinite, in perfect stillness, and the thought patterns are the tornado that is on all sides. Life is the tornado around you, mostly unknown, chaotic and moving at such great speed, understanding seems impossible. This is why the human experience holds so much suffering and beauty, for every thing light there is dark, for everything beautiful there is also an ugly side making nothing that is light without dark. These are not new discoveries. 

At the center of this tornado is where residing feels like home, the home of the true self.  Getting there is like walking through the tornado with the utmost in focus.

Meditation is said to be the way to the self, and this is true but to meditate is not something everybody is ready to do. I know you’re thinking you have meditated for 3 minutes, or even 3 hours but true mediation that leads to the knowing of the self requires repetition, discipline, physical stamina, an open mind and a mastery of the breath. How many of you dropped off the list of “I meditate” now? 

Let’s see if I lose a few more of you now; what does it mean to have an open mind? It means loosing oneself from the grips of samskaras, thought patterns. So I believe you if you tell me that you can sit for hours, that you can control the pace of your breath, that you do this daily. Here is what I don’t believe. I don’t believe that you have examined the way that you think about things and why that is. I don’t believe you have broken down thought processes in your psyche and changed or broken these patterns to allow for your true unsheathed self to shine through your various psychological reference points that tether your thinking to beliefs that are not yours. This is the discipline that is most difficult. The body trained, the first lampshade lifted. The breath mastered, the second lampshade lifted.  The emotions and thought processes, so here is where we become stuck.  Intellectual thought and study can begin to unravel some of this. But more is needed. 

 “The real voyage of discovery consists not in seeking new landscapes but in having new eyes”.

Proust was right in this very simple but accurate statement I use as mantra.  And the way in which to do this over an over again is to pull oneself to the present moment. The present moment is the eye of the storm.  When the mind wanders creating connections that are interpreted in the present moment into feelings or actions, then the mind isn't actually present. If while you are arguing with a friend your mind takes you to a filing cabinet that pulls several files out on self worth and emotionally runs through each time you have felt less then. You are not giving full presence to the argument in the moment without it being affected by all of your past experiences. Equally you are probably imagining how you will not be treated this way  in the  future either and you bring  that back to your thoughts and feelings about the present argument. Then your brain pulls more files from the books you’ve read, your political and social views, what your family has said about arguments like this, and maybe for good measure you are also recalling previous arguments with the same friend. All of this is happening in your head, probably in their head too and what is happening is that neither of you are in presence. Instead you are both in the tornado of thought. 

Our beliefs and systems of thought are the slipperiest part of how we identify the self, they are like trying to cut through
 oily residue with nothing but water. 

So let’s try that argument again. What if in the moment you begin to have discord each of you takes a breath, or two or three. What if you notice your surroundings, your bodies, your eyes. What happens then? The tornado of thought also slows. What if then you became so present to that moment that you could actually feel the suffering of your friend and before your brain went into the hyper-driven card catalog search of defense mechanisms you held compassion for their suffering? And what if they were doing the same exact thing? Don’t get me wrong, this is no easy feat. But it is the ultimate goal to being in harmony with ones true nature, ones true self and it has to be practiced with the utmost awareness, discernment, and discipline. As we walk into awareness, we can recognize that we are all in different places without it triggering a reactive defensive response. Harmony like this is the utopia of consciousness. But we can agree that it is one that it  is well worth our disciplined effort, right?

So how? Where is our guidebook to presence? Without giving extensive commentary to enlightened philosophers, bodhisattvas, yogis, prophets, theological texts, and the like,  the truth of it is, this 21st century would not be where it is, talking about PRESENCE without them. So as not to intellectualize this very visceral moment, just start with NOTICING. To notice you must stop thinking, to stop thinking you must notice first that you are in your head of thoughts. So slow it all down to right now, this breath, this inhale, this exhale. Close your eyes, see the thoughts in your head as images from a movie and to each thought ask if it is you, if it came from you, if it serves the you that is infinite, the you that is one with all. Watch this thought leave and once again turn your focus back to your breath, inhale, exhale. Make a constant practice of this. It is not easy, it is a discipline and you will lose it and have to find it again all the time. But this is the answer. There are an infinite number of tools to use in your toolbox to the self, ones that tweak and wrench and beguile you into presence over and over again and not all of these tools are right for everyone to work out the path, but everyone is going in the same direction so find the tools that work and use them.

Repetition, words, breath, movement, song, energy healing, mantra, poetry, dance, yoga, meditation, drawing, painting, making, running, the tools are limitless, use what works to shake or still your mind to open. Create the new eyes that can transform the same landscape you have in front of you and you will see more and more glimpses of your true self, the infinite you. 

Join me for a workshop working with the koshas, reiki healing and this therapeutic drawing in Paris next month!! Find ticketing information below:

KOSHAS • CHARCOAL • REIKI WORKSHOP GET TICKETS

Read :

I Am That

The Untethered Soul: Journey beyond the self

The Truth of Suffering and the Path of Liberation

The Empath's Survival Guide

The Miracle of Mindfulness


Listen:

Spotify I Am

Gratitude vs the rest of it all

What do you choose to do with the seeds in you that are not serving a space of gratitude? Are you watering and nurturing seeds of: blame, anger, sadness, envy, loneliness, self pity, bitterness, avoidance, ego, ignorance and all those damaging things that go on and on and on? Why? Why water and nourish these thoughts and feelings and unhealthy behavior patterns if they are not serving you? We are creatures of habitual behavior, that is why. We are set a lot of the time to default or auto pilot. Learned behaviors from family, society, influence of friends, desire to speak our truth and insecurity, all these repetitive patterns are enacted with a sort of waking mindlessness. We think we are aware of our actions and thoughts, often times we can be, but when it matters most, when we are not having a good moment, then our destructive patterns return and we return to our auto pilot, mindless self talk, mindless whining, nurturing the weeds of our consciousness allowing the flowers of gratitude to be choked out.
Recently, I attended a Kundalini workshop, I am forever wanting to open and learn about this practice of yoga in all its forms and while Kundalini may not take a primary role in my practice, accessing and purifying the chakras in this way is one way to find balance.  At one point we were asked to hold anger and move from this space, breathe from this space. I realized that after this daily discipline of gratitude I was finding this incredibly challenging. I release anger. I have been releasing anger as a discipline daily. So when we were asked to use it as a motivator, as a focus I struggled, but it was just that that inspired this post.
What am I grateful for? I make a mental or even at times a physical list each day. If I am in gratitude I cannot be in anger, blame, etc these states of mind cannot  co exist. Being aware of where your thoughts are drifting, maybe allowing yourself an indulgent whine or lament for a moment but quickly finding the awareness to come back to your state of grace.. acceptance. Acceptance allows for the space needed to cultivate gratitude.
Many a classic quote is conjured up for me, across all philosophies it rings true:

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don’t resist them; that only  

creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.”
-Lao Tzu

“The moment that judgment stops through acceptance of what it is, you are free of the mind. You have made room for love, for joy, for peace.”
-Eckhart Tolle

“Non-judgment quiets the internal dialogue, and this opens once again the doorway to creativity.”
-Deepak Chopra

Make a mindful commitment to challenge your own beliefs, to deeply look within at the ways in which you speak, think, act and if they are serving you, if you are in the flow state of acceptance, able to experience gratitude. 

If not, one moment at a time, question and ask why?

Nurture seeds of : gratitude, self reliance, strength, hope, wisdom, patience, mindfulness

What we are listening to:
Sat Nam ( I AM ) playlist

Present moment, nourish the body, bend the mind

It's been 5 months I may finally be adjusting to my new home, transitions are a hard place for many of us and moving rocks your very roots, this makes three moves in 6 years.  I have been given a gift that I had not anticipated and my constant practice of staying present has opened my eyes to it, the seasons.  The clock turned back I wake up now with the rising sun and an 8th grade daughter, a flurry in the kitchen and she's off to school. I have taken this golden time to bundle up, I live across from a natural preserve, latch a leash on my dog and set out to learn from mother nature. The seasons in a forest have had such an impact on me, daily walks in the early morning have been such a gift.  Just a few short weeks ago the trees were lush and full, a canopy of green I would walk through bathing in the forest light of early sun, soft warm amber pine needles just beginning to cover the forest floor, loamy sand, it was vibrant bursting with fruits and berries, juicy with scents undertones of sea and wheatgrass. Dew covered the grass and on the occasional morning as it approached cooler nights I would catch the mist burning off the expanses of the golfing greens nearby. I would think how amazing each step was, from the floor of the forest to the skies and how nothing stayed the same, it was a constant cycle of birth, death and rebirth from the microcosm to the macrocosm. Each organism has it's purpose in this cycle of impermanence.

I am aware of my attachments and think about how to cut them loose to allow for new life.




As days pass the leaves turned into a blaze of color painting the sky like licks of flames against a sunrise of warm ambers and apricot echoing the color of the now more dense cover of pine needles on the forest floor. I am surrounded by warm tones as the winds pick up and rains soften the sandy ground beneath me.
Hastened closer to the house while the rains take down more leaves and soak the forest when I return the path has become filled with scents of decay and fertility, heavy, wet and pungent. The trees now stripped almost bare extend skyward from the potpurri of decay at their roots like arthritic fingers. And I know mushrooms will abound. Deer cross my path, dreamlike there are 6 or 7 and they are walking majestically not more than 5 feet from where I stand. 

Everything is interdependent, a beautiful balance, an orchestra of unfolding.

We try to compartmentalize in our daily lives, job and activity over here, and family over there, things to do and places to be, ideas of on time, or late. I'm not there yet. I don't have a poetic perfectly articulated philosophy to share other than, watch nature, observe, witness.
Quietly exist in your breath with no demands or criticisms of yourself. This is the beginning. Notice what is around you and how nothing is bad or good, right or wrong it is just what it is. Lose thoughts of want and don't want, this constant push and pull of desires and disdains is what Buddhists say is the root of suffering.  Breathe in and breathe out. Pay attention to the quality of everything, your breath, your posture, your diet, your words because all things are interdependent and all is written, or at least this is where I am in thoughts these days.

"It is not what you do, but how you do, not who you are but how you are"

I say this practice is a daily one because it is a discipline to work against beliefs that have been ingrained by family, society, advertising and the melange of external forces unable to see the simplicity our existence has and how it is complicated by ego, fear, attachments and avoidances.
I would say these concepts are more mainstream now and not as foreign but pay attention to how your practices of meditation or mindfulness manifest, are they sincere? One need not attend a yoga class to find the opportunities to practice mindfulness or even meditation. This is where I am, a walk in the woods, seeding a pomegranate, making a bed are all ways in which this discipline of awareness and inner peace happen.


Nourish the Body
Leaving summer behind the fruits  and veggies of fall call my name, apples, pomegranate and celery root.

Heated Fall  Pomegranate, Cayenne Honeycrisp, Celery Root Salad





1/2 of a red onion chopped fine
2 tbsp yuzu rice vinegar
1 tsp sugar
pinch cayenne
Himalayan pink salt

julienned celery root 1/2 a bulb soak in water to keep color
1 finely sliced honeycrisp apple
 1/2 jar Tonino brand tuna filets in olive oil
handful chopped cilantro
 1/4 cup goat cheese
toasted pecans
1cup raw quinoa cooked and set aside to cool
1 cup pomegranate

lime zest, cayenne, paprika

mix the yuzu, sugar cayenne and salt together in a small bowl to dissolve, add finely chopped onion set aside 30 min

add all other ingredients and to taste add lime zest, olive oil, Himalayan pink salt, pepper, cayenne and paprika.


Spotify cooking and writing

 https://open.spotify.com/playlist/2lZtMvwBsbY1dXStjLOMNa

The Gold of I Am

Dance though you're broken open, move the body to move the mind. I have always felt that movement worked through the most stuck places in the body to free the thoughts from suffering. That if I danced or  practiced yoga I could move past the conscious binds that held me to familial beliefs or social standards, if I literally expressed in my body I would crack open and all that didn't serve me would just pour out. I could witness all that was not me, all that was imposed thought upon me, all that I empathically drew into me and assumed was mine.
I move imagining myself as if shattering to the floor, emptying, resting, and then repairing and filling back up with me.
There is a practice of this exact interpretation, it is called  Kitsungi, the Japanese art of repairing broken pottery, with gold.
This practice of reparation looks at the newly created pottery as being more beautiful than the perfect piece that it had been before the break. Kitsungi, part of the larger Japanese aesthetic called Wabi Sabi sees beauty in the juxtaposition of perfection to imperfection and transience. In Wabi Sabi, a perfect zen garden must have a few leaves sprinkled haphazardly across an immaculately created rake design to be more beautiful. A face with imperfect features or carved lines of age show beauty through wisdom through contrast. Our notions of beauty are relative, in the west through marketing and social conditioning we are guided to be more sympathetic towards symmetry, perfection, shiny, new whole. This is not the case in the eastern aesthetic system of Wabi sabi, taken ultimately from the buddhist and zen philosophies of impermanence and emptiness.

Our wounds, our hurts, all these chips and cracks have the potential of being sealed together, repaired with the beauty of our growth, if we let them. I could leave all that was not my true nature, all that was on the floor and seal myself back up with the gold of my own energy, the gold of  I am, not what should be or what should not be.

What am I listening to:
Gold of I am playlist